


day by day

by bellarkekru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Depression, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Parent(s), Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-02-23 11:15:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23610604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellarkekru/pseuds/bellarkekru
Summary: A unexpected tragedy shatters Clarke's life into what she thinks is beyond repair, Bellamy Blake thinks otherwise. With him at her side she'll get through it but no one ever said it would be easy.Or the one where Clarke suffers a huge loss and Bellamy promises himself he'll get her through this.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

"Clarke, it's final! I don't want to hear another word about it." Clarke's mother, Abby Griffin, yelled during yet another argument.

The two had gotten along so well when Clarke was younger but then topics like what school she would attend, what subjects she would choose, what major she would decide on and anything down that road started to arise and with it their relationship declined. It was now a rare occurrence when they could go without arguing and it was only getting worse as Clarke got older and more important decisions had to be made. Only one person could get them to settle down when things got too heated; Jake Griffin. At this point he was the only thing keeping their strained relationship from exploding and while he tried not to choose sides, Clarke often felt like he sided with Abby. Though, the truth in the matter was that he found it easier to calm Clarke down than his wife. Despite that, Jake and Clarke’s bond was a strong one, one that girls could only dream of having. All of her fondest memories were with him.

"You don't get to decide this for me! This is my future!" Clarke exploded angrily and rightfully so. Just this once she had hoped her mother wouldn't argue with her. The world clearly wasn't on her side for this one. She had come home with the news that she was set on majoring in art. Art had always been a passion of Clarke's and her mother had supported it so long as it hadn't clashed with 'real life' as she had called it. So, when Clarke told her that it was the path she wanted to go down in life, naturally, Abby was livid. 

"I am doing what's best for you!" Abby yelled back, just as angry. Clarke scoffed at that. This wasn't in any way Abby trying to do what was best for her.

"What's best for YOU, you mean!" she shot back, "you want me to go to med school so you'll have something to show off, because an art major isn't good enough for you, right?" Clarke already knew the answer. Abby had always painted this picture of a perfect family to the world, never allowing anything to taint that. Majoring in art, in her eyes, would do just that.

"If you were really doing what was best for me you would let me do what I love simply because that's what makes me happy. But you don't really care about that, do you? Who cares about Clarke being happy, just as long as it keeps up the perfect family facade. News flash mum, this family is far from perfect and it never will be no matter how much you try to pretend it is!" Clarke yelled bitterly. _What's best for me,_ she internally laughed at that, _yeah right._

Abby was taken aback, shocked at the words she'd just heard come from her daughter's mouth. "I- I never knew you felt that way." She said in a truly resigned voice which Clarke recoiled at.

Clarke saw the hurt evident on her mother's face at her outburst and instantly felt bad. She knew she had taken it too far. But often Clarke just gets too lost in her anger, that she'd forget that her mum is in fact human too. And as much as Abby pretended she didn't, she also had feelings.

"Clarke!" Jake once again jumping in when things started to spiral out of control, except this time was different. He was truly disappointed in her and that hurt Clarke the most out of everything. Never had it escalated this far but Clarke was to angry to care right now.

"Your mother loves you and just wants what's best for you! And you know that!" But Clarke was already half way out the door. She was not going to be here anymore. She couldn't sit through yet another fight that would only end with in same outcome as always. Clarke was sick of it. 

"Clarke Griffin!" Clarke instantly froze at her father's angry voice, one that was rarely directed at her. "Where do you think you're going? Apologise to your mother now!" And once again he'd taken Abby's side which didn't come as a surprise to Clarke but only fuelled her anger. Clarke knew she'd been out of line but the fact that they never cared to understand things from her point of view made her blood boil.

"Don't expect me home tonight." She mumbled, not even stopping to look at them while she spoke, and without another word of glance black, slammed the door shut behind her.

* * *

Clarke's mind was running and her body was shivering from the cold. It probably hadn't been such a good idea to storm out without grabbing a coat to shield herself against the cold winter's air. But it was too late now. There was no chance of her going back after that. Clarke had too much pride for that and she would not let her parents gain the satisfaction of winning. So of course, she kept walking until she found herself face to face with the door of Bellamy Blake's house.

Bellamy and Clarke had been best friends since they were in diapers. Well since Clarke was in diapers. By the time Clarke was born, Bellamy was already 4 years old. Their families had lived next door to each other and 4-year-old Bellamy had found himself attached to Clarke from the day she was born. He was always at her side, he’d taught her how to crawl and then eventually to walk, always there to catch her when she fell. Always there to make sure his little princess was happy and safe.

That hadn't changed at all throughout the years. When Clarke cried, Bellamy made it his mission to make her smile. When Clarke was hurt, Bellamy would press a kiss to her forehead and stitch her back up, all while reassuring her that she was going to be just fine. When Clarke was laughing, Bellamy was laughing. When the stress of always having to be the best in school got to Clarke, Bellamy would force her out of her house, she almost never came voluntarily always saying something along the lines of 'I'm too busy' or 'future doctors don't have time to play Bellamy' but never did he actually let her win those arguments. Bellamy would take her down to the park to remind Clarke that she is allowed to take breaks and have fun , usually giving her pep talks about how unhealthy it was for her to go on like this and then eventually pulling her in for a hug when all her pent up stress would pour out of her in the form of tears.

And it was the same the other way around. When Bellamy got into fights at school, Clarke, although mad at him for getting into a fight in the first place, would patch him up and then drag him to the couch to watch what ever nerdy documentary he'd found this time. And without complaints too, which almost never happened. Those nights always ended the same, with Clarke cuddled up in Bellamy's arms and the two of them lost deep in sleep. When Bellamy had fights with Octavia, Clarke was always there. Whether it be just to sit there with him in a comforting silence or sometimes when it was that bad to reassure Bellamy that he was a good person. The best she knew. 

They were always there for each other. No matter what. It was some unspoken rule of their friendship. When one of them needed something, they knew to go to the other person. 

They had gone through a stage where they had fought like crazy and for a while it was always Octavia and Clarke against Bellamy but it hadn’t lasted very long. One day the Blake's had announced they were moving houses when Clarke was 14 and Bellamy 18, they had been devastated. Clarke to the point of locking herself in her room and screaming her lungs out about how it was unfair until she had exhausted herself and fallen asleep. Bellamy had found her like that, curled up in a ball, hugging a picture of Bellamy, Octavia and herself tight to her chest, asleep on her bed. His heart had fluttered at that. He had woken up Clarke and when she immediately began to tear up again at the sight of him, Bellamy rushed to tell her that nothing was going to change, he wasn't even moving far, only a few streets away and he had promised her they would still see each other every day. And they had.

It wasn't everyday they could see each other these days, they had both been incredibly busy, Clarke with her senior year and Bellamy with being a police officer, but they tried. There was a lot of paperwork that had come with Bellamy's last case which he was drowning in and senior year, well that one was self explanatory. But it never mattered how often they saw each other. They could go for weeks without seeing each other and it still never changed a single thing. Their bond was a lifelong one, one that neither would ever let go of willingly.

Tired of being out in the freezing cold, Clarke hurried up the steps onto the patio and knocked abruptly. From inside she could hear the footsteps coming towards the door and his grumbling. She smiled at that. _Typical Bell_. He was always acting like such a grump. The door swung open revealing a surprised looking Bellamy. 

"Clarke? What are you doing here? Weren’t you supposed that be out for dinner with your parents?" The surprise on his face had quickly turned to concern when he realised she was shivering. "Did you walk here?"

"Ye-," he cut her off by pulling her inside and quickly shutting the door behind her. He flinched at the touch of her. She was ice cold.

"Clarke! You’re freezing! With that smart brain of yours, how could you have possibly thought it was a good idea to be outside in this weather?" Bellamy said in a reprimanding tone.

"And without a coat too.” He noted at a second glance. Clarke moved to reply but again Bellamy interrupted her, his face softening as he spoke. "What happened?"

"It’s nothing." He shot her a look of disbelief, "Really. You know how us Griffins are. Always arguing." She laughed, trying to play it off as though she were fine but judging by the way Bellamy was looking at her he wasn’t convinced. Who was she kidding, he knew her too well. 

"Clarke," he said in that same stern way he did every time he knew she was keeping something from him. 

"Please Bellamy, can you just get me something warm to wear? We’ll talk about it later." Clarke pleaded and Bellamy arched his eyebrows at that.

"I promise." Clarke could see the internal battle going on in Bellamy's mind by his facial features, he had never been one to hide how he felt, especially from Clarke. He couldn't even if he wanted to. Just like Bellamy knew her to well, she knew him too well.

When he sighed, taking her hand and pulling her up the stairs, she knew she had won.

"This isn't over." Well for now at least.

Once upstairs, Bellamy had guided her into his room where she found her favourite hoodie of his in the exact place she had left it last and for some reason unbeknownst to Clarke her stomach fluttered at the realisation. But not for the first time, Clarke brushed it off, never allowing herself to dwell on it longer than was appropriate. Clarke threw on the jumper that she'd grown quite attached to, the familiar smell of Bellamy's cologne radiating from it, as always easing her anxiousness and making her feel safe. It wasn't so much the jumper but the person she associated it with. With Bellamy was where she felt safest and most at home. He was her home. And she was his.

* * *

"Why didn't you call? You know I would've picked you up." They had found their way onto the bed and Clarke, at the urging of Bellamy, had explained the events of the night that had brought her here. 

"I-" Clarke struggled to come up with an answer. Why hadn't she called him? It hadn't crossed her mind. "I'm sorry Bellamy."

"Don't apologise. There's no need. You know I'm just being a worry wart." Clarke erupted in laughter at that. Bellamy smiled proudly, the sound of Clarke laughing never failed to warm his heart but being the cause of it made him feel a different kind of happiness, one he couldn't articulate. Making her laugh when she was feeling down though, now that was even better. Something about it just made his heart happy. So happy that even if that was the only thing Bellamy accomplished in his life, he'd be content.

"If anything describes Bellamy Blake best it's the two words 'worry wart'." Clarke teased, clearly finding it amusing.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny." He playfully shoved her.

"It's true! Wasn't there a time you barged into a 12-year old's party, worrying that something had happened to Octavia and I in the ONE hour we had been there." Clarke recalled, turning to smirk at him. "That sounds like the definition of worry wart to me."

"There were boys there!" he defended. 

"At a 12-year old's party! Twelve Bellamy!" 

"Alright fine, you're right. You win." Bellamy rolled his eyes at her competitive nature. He secretly loved it but he would never admit that to her.

"Well obviously, there was never any doubt of that." She joked not so jokingly. Clarke never backed down when she knew she was right.

"You little- come here!" Clarke shrieked, kicking her phone onto the floor and flying off the bed pulling the sheets along with her. She scrambled to get up but before she could, Bellamy's arms wrapped around her waist and in one swift move she was hoisted up into the air and thrown over Bellamy's shoulders.

"Bellamy!" She squealed, kicking her legs around in hopes that it would cause him to lose his grip on her. Unsurprising to both of them, it didn't. Her strength was nothing compared to his. "Let me go!"

"As you wish." Bellamy threw her onto the bed, quickly following before she could escape. He jumped onto the bed landing next to her, with a glint in his eyes. Clarke knew what that look meant. Suddenly his fingers were all over her, tickling her relentlessly. He always used this tactic of his on her. At a young age Bellamy had quickly discovered that tickle fights were one of Clarke's weaknesses, once he started she was defenceless and left screaming so loud, that she always got them told off by their parents.

"No! Bellamy stooppp!" She yelled, but between all her laughter it sounded more like gibberish. Bellamy laughed at the sight in front of him, Clarke was writhing all over the place and her hair was a mess, bits and pieces falling out of the bun she had it in. But yet to Bellamy, she looked as beautiful as ever. In this moment everything else seemed to fade, it was just the two of them and it felt perfect, like it was meant to be.

The ringing of a phone echoed through the room, drawing them both out of their thoughts and back into the world. Clarke slowly removed herself from Bellamy's grasp, wishing that she could stay for longer, and grabbed her phone from the floor where it had fallen earlier.

"Hello?" Clarke answered the phone more than slightly annoyed at the interruption. 

"Miss Clarke Griffin?" the person on the other line questioned.

"This is she." Clarke replied in a sceptical tone.

"We're calling regarding your parents." Clarke stilled at those words, dread filling her. She already knew this wouldn't be good.

"There's been an accident." Clarke felt her heart start to pound. They were hurt and here she had been giggling away like a little child.

"Where are they now?" She immediately asked, already gathering her stuff to head down to the hospital.

"Miss, I am so sorry," the guy on the other end began, the next few words would ultimately change Clarke's life forever, "they didn't make it." He notified her regretfully. The words echoed through Clarke's ears and suddenly everything felt like it was moving in slow motion.

"N-no." She was finding hard to breathe, the air wasn't getting through, the walls were caving in on her and her head was spinning, she felt as though she may pass out. Bellamy's features quickly changed from playful to concerned. "No," she said more firmly this time, "that's not possible."

"Ma'am, I know it's hard to hear but-"

"NO! I told you it's not p-p-" Clarke couldn't finish her sentence before breaking out into heart-wrenching sobs and letting the phone slip out of her grasp. Because it was possible. But she couldn’t accept it. Not when she’d just seen them moments ago and they had been fine. Angry but fine. Alive.

 _Oh god!_ Clarke thought as she remembered the last conversation she'd had with them, making her sob even harder.

"Clarke?" Bellamy asked alarmed, rushing forwards to catch her crying form as she crumpled onto the floor in a heap. "Clarke, speak to me." He spoke softly, gently pulling her shaking body into his embrace. 

"It's n-n-not pos-" she broke into more sobs. The more it sunk in the louder her sobs became and the more heartbreaking it was for Bellamy.

Seeing Clarke like this, tugged at his heart strings, it hurt him, both physically and emotionally. More than it should be possible to hurt for someone else. He shut his eyes, pulling her head into his chest, resting his chin above it and rocking her side to side while rubbing circles into her back, trying to sooth her, just like he’d always done when she was upset. Though this time, it was clear that whatever news she had just received wouldn't be so easily soothed.

"They're g-gone." She wept. The words hung in the air as Bellamy allowed them to sink in. The realisation hit him, as he figured out who 'they' were. He felt his heart ache for the woman bawling in his arms and pulled her closer to him, if that was possible, hugging her tightly, not even giving a second thought to the mascara stain she’d left on his shirt.

It didn’t matter to him. All that mattered was Clarke. Bellamy knew this loss would leave it's imprint on Clarke's life, he also knew that it'd be a while before she'd even begin to feel remotely okay but, in this moment as he looked at the girl he'd come to love, falling apart in front of him, and he made a promise to himself. Bellamy was going to get her through this. No matter what it took. But for now, all he could do was hold her in her arms as she came to terms with this horrible loss and hope to be as much of a comfort to her as he could be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing fanfiction so please bear with me and feel free to leave any feedback!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is left reeling from the news of her parents' death and Bellamy and Octavia try to help.

_News flash mum, this family is far from perfect and it never will be no matter how much you try to pretend it is._

_Don't expect me home tonight._

Those were the last words that Clarke had spoken to her parents. The same words that had been replaying over and over again in her head since she'd found out. Her last memory of her parents will always be a petty (now that she looks back on it) argument.

_I- I never knew you felt that way._

_Clarke Griffin! Where do you think you're going? Apologise to your mother now!_

The last words her parents had spoken to her, also on replay in her head ever since hearing the news that shattered her life as she knew it to pieces. Clarke could still hear the hurt and disappointment lacing her mother's voice as she had spoken. The anger and shock lacing her father's. 

Did they even know how much she loved them before they went? Because she did. Clarke loved them. Regardless of the many arguments they had, Clarke loved both her parents and she knows without a doubt they loved her. But did they know?

The thought brought the tears back to her eyes, she doesn't think they did and now she'll never be able to tell them. She'll never get to say one last 'I love you'. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd said those words to her mother. It had been so long ago. Clarke jumped at the feeling of wetness on her arm. She'd been so caught up in her thoughts, she hadn't even realised the tears had begun to fall again. Clarke just let them. There was no use wiping them, they'd soon be replaced by the next round. 

"Hey Clarke." Octavia spoke softly, walking into the room towards Clarke, who sat in Bellamy's bed, staring at the wall ahead of her, her eyes showing no emotion. They were just empty. Which is exactly how Clarke felt. Empty.

Bellamy had moved her from their position on the floor and into his bed when she'd fallen asleep from exhaustion. He had tucked her in, then pulled up a chair beside the bed, watching her as she slept not daring to doze off, in the case she'd wake up and need him. She hadn't. Ever since her sobs died down, Clarke had sat there with a stony look on her face feeling numb as the tears continued to fall from her bloodshot eyes. It worried Bellamy. He'd seen her shut down like this before and he never wanted to see that happen to Clarke again. 

"Bellamy called. He thought you'd appreciate the company." No response. Not even an acknowledgement she was in the room. Clarke remained still, staring at the wall.

"I brought all your favourites." Octavia offered, moving to occupy the vacant seat by the bed. "Vanilla ice-cream, a whole tub of it too, all the latest magazines, sweet chilli chips, makeup and me!" Octavia joked, trying to get any reaction of Clarke. She didn't. "Clarke, I can't even begin to understand how you're feeling right now and I am so sorry that this happened but please don't shut me out. I want to help."

Again nothing. Octavia was at a loss. She never did know how to help Clarke when she was like this and it pained her. She felt hopeless.

Octavia tried not to let her mind wander back to what happened the last time she was like this. Clarke had tried to shut everyone out. Most of all herself and Bellamy. It had almost worked but then Clarke broke and-

 _That's not happening again,_ Octavia tried to reassure herself but the doubt kept creeping itself back in. She figured the best she could do was just be there and when Clarke was ready she'd talk. Until then, Octavia was more than happy to wait. She didn't want to rush her, after all it had only been just last night that Clarke had received the news.

 _This is normal_ , Octavia told herself to ease her worry. And so the two girls sat in each other's presence in a silence that wasn't awkward but one that brought comfort. 

* * *

When it had become clear to Octavia that Clarke wasn't ready to speak just yet, she made her way downstairs, running into Bellamy who was on his way up.

"Bell!" Octavia's worry instantly pushed to the side for a moment as she jumped into his arms causing him stumble, but luckily for the both them he quickly regained his balance before they could go tumbling down the stairs.

"Woah!" Bellamy exclaimed confused by Octavia's strange behaviour, they'd just seen each other yesterday for lunch, but nonetheless he returned the hug. "What's this for?"

"Being with Clarke up there, it- it just really made me stop to think and reflect for a second." Octavia was not one to be sappy but Clarke loosing her parents made her so much more grateful for Bellamy and her mother.

"Someone can be here one second but gone the next. And I'm just so glad you're here Bell. I don't say it enough but really I am. I don't what I would do without you. I love you so much." Bellamy's heart melted at that and he pulled her in for another hug.

"I love you too, O." Bellamy whispered into her hair. They embraced for a moment longer before they pulled apart and Bellamy's mind returned to Clarke. "How is she?"

"Not good. She didn't say a thing, didn't even look my way, not for a split second. She's just sat there, staring at the wall and not moving." Octavia's worry returned at his question. "I'm worried Bell, you know how she gets when she's like this."

"I know O, trust me. I know." Bellamy spoke sadly, trying to push away the memories of last time she had been like this. He never wanted it to get that bad again. And he was going to do everything in his power not to let it.

"It won't happen again. I promise" He said knowing Octavia's mind had gone there too. But they both knew that was a promise he might not be able to keep.

"I hope you're right Bell. For Clarke's sake." Octavia said, giving Bellamy one last hug before turning to leave, "Call me with any updates." Octavia wasn't asking but ordering.

"Of course." And with that she left, shutting the door behind her, trying to be as quiet as possible but Octavia had a very different definition of quiet than most people.

Bellamy couldn't help but chuckle as he made his up the stairs. His sister never ceased to amaze him. But the smile was quickly wiped off his face when he saw Clarke in his bed. She looked exactly the way Octavia had described but yet seeing it with his own eyes shocked him.

The look on her face, the blank look with the pain hidden underneath it, the empty look in her eyes, the tears streaming down her cheeks, he hadn't expected it. _It's to be expected_ , Bellamy reminded himself considering she'd barley had a day to come to terms with the news, she was going to need some time.

"Clarke." Bellamy called out tenderly. She didn't react. "Clarke." he said louder this time. All he got was a blink, but she remained staring ahead of her. _Well at least it's a sign she's alive_ , Bellamy remarked to himself.

"Clarke, look at me." he turned her face gently, leaving his hand on her cheek and brushing the tears away with his thumb. She still didn't meet his eyes.

"Clarke." Bellamy pleaded, starting to run out of ideas. Clarke eyes fluttered up and met Bellamy's. She couldn't bear to hear him sounding so hopeless when there was something she could do about it and so she forced herself to snap out of it. Even if just for a little bit. She wasn't sure she could manage it for longer than that. But for Bellamy, if she had to, she would.

"I made you something to eat." Bellamy gestured to the bowl in his hand.

"Not hungry." Clarke croaked, speaking for the first time since uttering the words 'they're gone' to Bellamy.

"It's just some soup." Bellamy protested.

"No thanks." Clarke didn't understand why Bellamy couldn't just let it go.

"Just a bit." Bellamy said in tone that made it clear that this wasn't up for discussion, leaving Clarke no choice but to relent.

She reached for the bowl and as it shook in her hands, taking all she had not to drop it, Clarke realised just how tired she really was. She'd only slept for what felt like a few minutes before the pain had crept its way back in and she realised it had never actually left. Probably never would. Bellamy, unaware of the thoughts running through Clarke's mind, moved to support her small hands with his larger ones, removing the bowl from her grasp.

"Let me help you." The words had a double meaning. Something that Bellamy had done on purpose. And while Clarke tried to remain oblivious to it, they both knew she understood what Bellamy was trying to say.

"I'm tired, Bellamy." Clarke just wanted to be left alone to her own thoughts.

"You need to eat something." Bellamy argued back. Clarke hadn't eaten all day and he wasn't going to have that on his watch.

"I'll eat later. Please, Bellamy. I just need to sleep." Clarke pleaded. Bellamy could hear the desperation sinking through. Sighing, he placed the bowl on the bedside table for later.

"Okay princess, you can sleep." He said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. Clarke smiled at the familiar nickname. A faint one but Bellamy still took it as a win. Anything to see her beautiful face graced with a smile. Oh, how he wished lifetimes of happiness for her. He would stop at nothing just to see her smiling. "But you have to promise me you'll eat tomorrow, okay?" 

Clarke nodded to show she understood, knowing she really didn't have a choice. When it came to the well-being of the people Bellamy loved, he left no room for debates. 

Bellamy stood up to leave, turning to make his way to the door, but before he could get far a hand flew out to grab his.

"Stay. Please." Clarke begged, not caring if she seemed desperate. Bellamy's eyes locked with Clarke's. In that moment, he could see the emotions swimming in her eyes. Gone was the blank look he'd seen earlier. And that was more than enough to convince him to stay.

So, Bellamy returned to his spot, quite happy to sit there all day and all night if that made Clarke feel even the tiniest bit better.

"No not there. Here." She gestured to the empty space on the bed next to her. Bellamy hesitated but at the tug of his arm, that Clarke had yet to let go of, he moved to occupy the space. He slipped under the covers, leaving a small gap between him and Clarke, not wanting to overwhelm her.

Clarke realised what he was trying to do and while she appreciated the gesture, it sent a pang to her chest. She never wanted Bellamy to feel like he had to distance himself from her. Especially because Clarke knew that, her not wanting Bellamy close, could never be the case. His touch comforted her, kept her in touch with the world and she wasn't sure she could go without it. And that's how Clarke found herself shuffling closer to him.

"Just relax, Clarke." Bellamy said as he pulled her into his arms, not having to be told to know that Clarke's mind was overworking itself. He could feel the tension radiating off her. He wished she would lay her burdens on him. Allow him to help her. He'd promised himself he would. And he wanted to. But she wanted sleep and for tonight, he would let her have it. Just this once.

But he would be damned if he let Clarke go down this path without doing everything in his power to stop it. He knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to deal with it all on her own. Pushing everyone else away so that she didn't have to worry about being a burden to them. He wasn't going to let her do it. It was a unhealthy coping mechanism. To properly heal from this loss, Clarke would first need to allow herself to feel the loss. Bellamy knew things were going to go downhill from here. But he also knew that it was necessary.

"Sleep well, princess." Bellamy whispered, thinking Clarke had drifted off and allowing himself to follow. But beside him, Clarke lay awake. The last words she'd spoken to her parents and heard from them still running through her mind.

_News flash mum, this family is far from perfect and it never will be no matter how much you try to pretend it is._

_Don't expect me home tonight._

_I- I never knew you felt that way._

_Clarke Griffin! Where do you think you're going? Apologise to your mother now!_

She didn't know how she was ever going to get past this. But the one thing she was sure of was that, she knew she couldn't drag anyone else down this hole with her. 

_Being with Clarke up there, it- it just really made me stop to think and reflect for a second. Someone can be here one second but gone the next. And I'm just so glad you're here Bell. I don't say it enough but really I am. I don't what I would do without you. I love you so much._

_I love you too, O._

Hearing the very thing she'll never get to say to her parents, being said between Bellamy and Octavia, had warmed her heart. If only for a little bit. She was happy for them. Happy they still got the chance to tell each other just how much they were loved. They had each other. But now Clarke had nobody. She was all alone. Maybe it was what she deserved. And with that thought, Clarke felt herself begin to slip into a much-needed sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know Clarke thinks she had nobody when Bellamy is right there and I'm sorry! I needed it to play out like this but I promise she won't think that for long. Also, more dialogue in the next chapter, I promise!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger warning* Panic attack. Please don’t read if this might harm you in anyway.

Clarke was awoken by the feeling of something moving beside her. Her eyes flew open in panic but disappeared the second she realised it was just Bellamy and the events of last night, slowly returned to her groggy mind.

They had moved a lot closer to each other during the night. _A lot_ closer. Clarke was practically laying on top of him, though she wasn't complaining. He brought a of warmth to her. A warmth that she not only felt eternally but internally, momentarily replaced the coldness she had felt ever since finding out about her parent's deaths. _Her parents' deaths_. She was yet to let that fully sink in. There were moments when everything felt normal, as if her parents were still here with her, but the memories would soon come flooding in and with it the sadness returning.

Moments quite like this one. When she'd wake up and she would have a few moments of bliss before remembering the harsh reality of her life. The harsh reality that she was all alone in this world. And Clarke was determined to keep it that way. Everyone who loved her suffered the same fate. Death. And she couldn't allow that for Bellamy or Octavia. She knew what deep down what that meant she had to do but it didn't make it any easier.

Bellamy began to stir beside her, groaning as the light hit his eyes. "Morning." He grumbled out still half asleep.

Clarke tried and failed to suppress a laugh. Bellamy pulled away from her, the warmth leaving Clarke as he did, and sleepily climbed out of the bed. _His bed,_ Clarke suddenly remembered, feeling guilty that she had occupied it for the past 2 days.

"You know what we have to do today." Bellamy stated instead of questioning because he knew Clarke, she tended to overthink things and there was no doubt this was one of those things.

"Meet me downstairs when you're ready." Bellamy left the room to leave Clarke to get ready for the day and so he could do the same. Clarke sat up in Bellamy's bed in shock at his choice of words. _We?_ Her stomach fluttered hearing that word, which she immediately scolded herself for. _What are you doing, Clarke? You cannot let him get close,_ an familiar voice rung through her head. But how would that even be possible? Bellamy was her best friend. He was already close to her. _You push him away._

It was now Clarke's turn to groan. Bellamy had been right in his assumption. Clarke _was_ dreading this day. If she was being honest she didn't know how she was going to get through it. Today, she was going to have to do the one thing she never thought she'd ever be doing, laying eyes on her parent's lifeless bodies.

They needed her to identify them, which was all quite stupid to Clarke. This was all already hard enough to deal with. She didn't need the added trauma of her parent's dead bodies being burned into her memory. But according to Bellamy it had to be done and so here she was getting ready. He'd already delayed it as much as he could for her, arguing to the man on the phone that she needed time and yelling at him about how insensitive he was being. Bellamy had already done more than enough for her. She couldn't allow him to do any more for her. For his own sake.

Clarke took a deep breath, making her way down the stairs where Bellamy was already waiting for her. "You ready?" Bellamy asked as Clarke made her way to his side. Clarke knew what he was really asking. 

"It has to be done, right?" Clarke deflected, using the words he'd said to her earlier. Bellamy nodded warily, still not reassured that Clarke was ready for this and to be completely honest Clarke herself didn't know if she was but regardless she found herself following Bellamy to the car. It happening whether she was ready or not. She was never going to be ready for this. In truth, how could one ever be ready?

* * *

The car ride was silent. Both Bellamy and Clarke left to their own thoughts but when Bellamy noticed that the closer they got to the hospital, the more uneasy Clarke grew he broke the silence. "Clarke." He called out, startling her out of her thoughts as she turned to face him. "Everything's going to be just fine. I promise you."

"How could you possibly promise me that?" 

"Because I'm going to be right there with you. The whole time." Bellamy stated as if it were obvious. Did she not know by now? He would do anything for her.

"No, Bellamy. You don't have to do that, I'll be fine." Clarke needed him to understand that she was dangerous for him. When he said stuff like this, she had no control over her actions and Clarke knew if he kept on this way, she would let him stay close. And she couldn't have that.

She was once again pulled out of her thoughts when the 'Arkadia General' sign came into her sight, signalling they had arrived. "Just wait here. I'll be in and out. Hopefully. No reason for both of us to go."

"You through?" Bellamy put the car into brake as he parked, giving her a look that said 'really Clarke?'. "You're out of your mind if you think I'm letting you do this alone. I'm coming and that's final. I don't want to hear another word."

_Clarke, it's final! I don't want to hear another word about this!_

Clarke felt a stabbing pain hit her heart. Her lungs beginning to shut down. Her stomach tightening and her throat closing off. The words that had come from her mother in their last few moments together. 

"Clarke!" She could faintly hear Bellamy calling out her name but all she could think about was her mother. Their fight. Their last conversation.

_Clarke, it's final! I don't want to hear another word about this!_

And the shocking realisation hit her. All of this. It was all her fault. Her mum and dad were gone. And it was all her fault. They were dead because of her. Clarke was struggling to breathe, gasping for air but not getting any. All they'd done was love her. And yet they were gone. And she was here. She didn't deserve it. It should've been her instead.

"Clarke!" Bellamy yelled louder this time, reaching over to get her attention.

"No!" Clarke gasped out breathlessly, jumping at his sudden touch, moving as far away from him as she could. "Please no." 

"Breathe, Clarke." Bellamy pleaded, not knowing how else he could help her without touching her. 

"All... my f-fault." Clarke choked out in between breaths. 

"What's your fault, Clarke?" Bellamy prodded, confused as to what was running through Clarke's head but determined to find out.

"S-stop," Clarke tried to yell but it came out as more of a whisper. "Do-n't deserve... " 

"Please let me help you, Clarke." Bellamy begged, not able to bare seeing her like this.

"It should... should've been me." Clarke's heart was beating so hard that it was painful and her lungs felt like they would collapse if she didn't get any air in soon.

"Clarke, I'm going to touch you." Bellamy couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't just stand by and watch as she has struggled for air. "Is that alright?" He cautioned and when she didn't protest he took it as a sign that he could. He moved slowly towards Clarke, not wanting to alarm her.

"You're having a panic attack, Clarke." Bellamy whispered into her hair as he pulled her into his body, her head resting on his chest.

"Can you feel my heart beat?" Clarke nodded, not able to make a coherent reply.

"Take deep breaths, Clarke. Match your breaths to mine. Okay?" She nodded into him again and he felt her start to regain control over her breathing again. "Good, princess. That's good."

"Be- Bellamy..." Clarke rasped, trying to get his attention.

"Shhh Clarke. Just breathe." Bellamy shushed her, he felt her racing heart against him at a rate that was far from normal and he didn't want her to focus on doing anything other than calming down. The million thoughts running through Clarke's head while trying to do as Bellamy said, were not helping. She couldn't shake it. This was all of her fault.

"Just breathe." Bellamy said once more, as he felt Clarke's muscles tense and her panic rising again.

"What just happened there, Clarke?" Bellamy questioned, when her breathing returned to normal.

"Nothing to worry about, Bell." Clarke said, pulling away from Bellamy, looking everywhere but his eyes. He'd know just by looking her in the eyes.

"You just had a panic attack, Clarke. I wouldn't call that nothing to worry about." 

"I'm fine now. You don't have to worry."

"Well I'm worried!" Bellamy was trying not to get frustrated with her, not wanted to upset her even further but she was making it so damn hard. "Clarke. Look at me." He all but ordered but Clarke refused to meet his eyes.

Bellamy reached for her face, gently stroking her face with his thumb before it came to rest underneath her chin, to keep her facing him. "Look at me." Clarke reluctantly did so, knowing Bellamy wasn't going to let it go. "What triggered that?"

"You." Bellamy recoiled, feeling as though someone had just slapped him across the face.

"Me?" 

"And that's final. I don't want to hear another word." Clarke repeated the sentence he'd said earlier, leaving Bellamy confused. "My mum she- she said those same words last time we talked. Before she... before she died."

Realisation hit Bellamy and dread filled him. "Clarke. I'm so sorry-"

"Don't." Clarke cut him off. "I don't deserve that."

"Don't deserve what?" Bellamy asked, not understanding what she meant by that.

"Any of this. Your comfort, friendship. None of it." 

"You can't possibly believe that, Clarke." 

"I do." Clarke stated firmly. "And quite frankly Bellamy, I don't think it's a good idea for you to to be in my life anymore."

"Is that what you want?" Bellamy's voice quivered, full with hurt. He knew she was just doing what she did best when faced with grief. Pushing everyone away. And he knew she didn't mean it but that didn't make hearing those words coming from Clarke hurt any less.

_No! I need you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me._ "Yes." Clarke replied, refusing to make eye contact, knowing that she couldn't lie like that while looking him in the eye.

"Look me in the eye and say it." Apparently Bellamy knew it too. Clarke looked up and met his eyes.

"Y-" Clarke tried to lie but she saw the hurt swimming around in his eyes and she couldn’t do it. She didn’t want to be the cause of his pain. "Please Bell. It’s what’s best for you."

"What’s best for me? Clarke, what are you talking about?" he asked incredulously, like she was crazy for even thinking something like that. 

"I’m dangerous for you." Clarke said trying not to elaborate because she knew Bellamy would convince her otherwise. But Bellamy as always had other plans. She silently cursed him for being too good to here. She didn't deserve someone as kindhearted as Bellamy in her life.

"That’s ridiculous and you know it. You are one of the best things in my life Clarke." Bellamy couldn't comprehend how she seemed to think she was dangerous for him. It hurt him that she didn't see her own self worth but in time he'd make her see it. No matter how long it took. "What on earth made you think such a thing?"

"Please. Just leave it." Clarke pleaded. If he kept on asking she would give in. She didn’t want that. "Just trust me when I say you should keep your distance."

"No way in hell!" Bellamy growled, causing Clarke to flinch back. "No way." He said more calmly. "Clarke. You’re my best friend, always have been. You can trust me, just please tell me what’s going on."

Clarke tried to convince him with her eyes to drop it.

"Clarke." Bellamy warned.

"Everyone I love dies!" Clarke yelled, finally breaking. "Okay? Satisfied now?"

"Princess." Bellamy whispered broken my because of course when you had suffered as much loss as Clarke your mind would go there. And he hated that for her. "You’ve gotta know that’s not true." Clarke didn’t move to reply. "Clarke, please tell me you know that."

"I wish I could." Clarke said in defeat. But she couldn’t.

"It’s not true princess. You weren't the cause of any of them dying. Not Wells, not Lexa and definitely not your parents. And you couldn't of stopped it from happening because you have no control over who lives or dies." Bellamy wished she would stop trying to carry this on all her own shoulders.

"It's not a coincidence that everyone who loves me eventually dies. There is one common factor in all of this and it's me. Even you must see that Bell." 

"Clarke." Bellamy reached over grabbing her hand. "Just because people who loved you died, does not make it your fault. Eventually they all would've suffered the same fate, even if they hadn't known you because everyone dies Clarke. But now they live through you and everything you do. They are and always will be part of you. So please Clarke, don’t push everyone who loves you away because you're scared of losing anyone else. Please don't push _me_ away. I am not going anywhere and until you believe that, I’ll be right here to reassure you of it at every turn. But you're not allowed to do this alone Clarke." Bellamy spoke with such a passion, determined for her to see it his way.

"But you’re wrong Bellamy. If not for me my parents would still be here. If not for me...” Clarke pauses, trying to gain control of her emotions before continuing. "If not for me, we wouldn’t of argued and instead we would’ve already been at dinner and that whole stupid accident would never of happened. It was my fault!" Clarke’s voice cracked on the last word.

"Clarke. Those are all what if’s and maybe’s. You cannot know for certain that it still wouldn’t of happened. But what is certain, is that _this_ ," he reached to grab her face as he made his ultimate point, "was not your fault. You cannot keep thinking that, Clarke, because it will continue to eat at you until suddenly it’s all too much."

"Bellamy I-" Clarke hesitated, "I don’t know if I can."

"You can." Bellamy said with a certainty. He knew Clarke Griffin and if anything she was strong. And he knew she could get through this. "It will be hard, Clarke. I’m sure you know that. But I’m going to be here every step of the way. Just please promise me no more pushing me away, okay?"

"But-"

"No but’s Clarke. I’ve already told you, you’re not a danger to me. If anything you’re the least dangerous person in my life and I need you. Okay princess? We do this together." Bellamy interrupted her before she had time to protest further. 

"Okay Bell." Clarke finally agreed after a moments silence, launching herself into his arms. "Together." She whispered into his chest. And while Clarke was far from fine, right here in Bellamy’s arms, she knew that she would be with him by her side.

"Now let’s get in there." Bellamy said after a few moments embracing each other.

Bellamy reached over for Clarke’s hand as they made their way towards the doors of the hospital, which she took with no hesitation. She was done pushing him away. "Day by day, we’ll get there." Bellamy assured her.

"Day by day." Clarke confirmed. 


	4. Chapter 4

Bellamy and Clarke walked into the hospital, hand in hand, and for the first time since Clarke had heard the news she felt like she would be okay. Not now but eventually. She had Bellamy Blake. She'd always had him and she silently berated herself for thinking otherwise. This was the same Bellamy who refused to let her walk the short distance back to her house, which mind you was just next door, alone despite the fact that they hadn't spoken to each other for days. Even in the midst of their fights Bellamy had always looked out for her.

"Princess." Bellamy's voice rung out, shaking her out of her thoughts.

"Hm?" Clarke turned her attention to him.

"Your p-" Bellamy abruptly stopped and rethought his words, "they are just in there." Bellamy was having a hard time knowing what was okay to say around Clarke right now. The last thing he wanted was to send her spiralling again. Not if he could help it.

"You can say the word parents Bellamy, I'm not made of glass." Clarke snapped.

"No of course not! You're one of the strongest people I know. But even the strongest of people break sometimes Clarke." He rushed to explain himself. Never in a million years would he think Clarke Griffin weak. That girl has been through hell and back and was still managing to stand upright. It amazed him.

"Yeah well Clarke Griffin is not one of those people, she doesn't have time to break." _There it is again_ , Bellamy thought. Once again Clarke wasn't allowing herself to grieve. Pushing it all away because she didn't want to feel it. But eventually she would have to. If Clarke wanted to heal from this she needed to feel all this pain to its full extent. And Bellamy just hoped it would happen sooner rather than later.

"Everyone breaks eventually." 

"Real supportive." Clarke scoffed at him.

"You're just mad cause you know I'm right." Bellamy joked, trying to turn the conversation in a lighter direction and he knew it had worked when he heard Clarke's playful tone reply back.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night Blake." She retorted, feeling the most normal she'd been over the past few days.

"You better watch it Griffin."

"Or what?" Clarke challenged stepping right up against him and for a second everything from the last two days was forgotten, where they were was forgotten, what they were here for was forgotten and it felt like they were the only two people in the world. It felt good. Clarke's eyes fluttered from Bellamy's eyes to his lips after staring for too long and she had never felt the urge to kiss him more than in this moment.

Unbeknownst to Clarke, Bellamy's thoughts were heading down the same path as he looked at this beautiful girl standing in front of him, taking all the will power in him not to push her up against the wall and smash his lips against hers right then and there. And he might of done it too, if it weren't for the nurse pulling them both out of this trance they were stuck in.

"Miss Griffin?" the women asked.

Clarke stayed staring at Bellamy for just a moment longer before turning her attention to the women standing before her.

"'Uh- y- yes, that's me." Clarke stuttered, still feeling flustered from her moment, that wasn't much of anything but staring, with Bellamy.

"Right through here miss." And those words broke Clarke out of whatever remained from that moment, reminding her why she was here.

Clarke turned turned back to Bellamy, "You don't-"

"Clarke," he warned cutting her off as if to say don't you dare finish that sentence, "We do this together." Bellamy said to remind her of their conversation from the car only moments before.

"Right, sorry. Together." For as long as Clarke could remember, 'together' had always been hers and Bellamy's thing.

* * *

_"Hey Mrs Blake!" 7 year old Clarke, said chirpily as she walked into the Blake_ _household._

_"Hello dear!" Aurora smiled at the sight of the little girl who had wormed her way into this family's heart. "Want to guess what I baked?"_

_"Brownies?" Clarke asked hopefully, not even taking a second to ponder the question. "Oh please tell me it's brownies!"_

_Aurora chuckled, "You betcha. Dig in!" She said knowing Clarke didn't need to be told twice. This girl could eat more brownies than the 3 of them_ _combined and with her being so tiny you'd hardly think that was possible. But it was definitely possible._

_"Where's Bell?" Clarke mumbled, her mouth full of the delicious brownies._

_"Manners Clarke!" Aurora told her off as crumbs fell out of the little girl's mouth._

_"Sorry Mrs Blake," Clarke replied sheepishly, "they're just too good, I can't help myself!"_

_That earned another chuckle from Aurora. She swore Clarke could talk herself out of any trouble she was in just by being her adorable self. "Alright, I'll let you off this once."_

_Clarke jumped up wrapping her arms around the older women's waist, sending her a few steps backwards but she caught herself in just time. "But only because I know just how good they are. Bell's upstairs, though I'm not sure he is in the mood to see anyone right now."_

_"What?" Clarke stepped out of her embrace alarmed, "What happened?" She was surprised she hadn't been the first to know._

_"You'll have to ask him about that one Clarke."_

_"But you said he didn't want to see anyone."_

_"Oh Clarke, you're not just anyone." Aurora knew there was something special about their bond, something that went deeper than just best friends. Clarke and Octavia were best friends but Clarke and Bellamy? They were something different all together._

_"What do you mean?" Clarke was puzzled._

_"You'll understand one day my darling." Aurora had every faith that she would. Bellamy too. What they had was too special to let it pass by them without doing anything about it. "Now what are you still doing here? Get up there!"_

_And that's exactly what Clarke did._

_"Bellamy?" Clarke called as she walked into his room, finding him sitting on the floor beside his bed with tears streaming down his face. And at that sight Clarke immediately rushed to his side enveloping him in a hug._

_"Oh hey Clarke." 11 year old Bellamy tried to pull himself back together so as not to alarm Clarke. But it was too late for that. The 7 year old was alarmed._

_"Bellamy, what's wrong?"_

_"Nothing Clarke! I'm great!" He said a little too enthusiastically._

_"Don't lie to me Bell. I may be little but I'm not dumb!" Clarke snapped at him, frustrated that he wouldn't tell her what was going on._

_"I never said you were!" Bellamy defended._

_"Then tell me what's wrong!"_

_"No!" He yelled._

_"Why not?" Clarke yelled back even louder._

_"Because- because," Bellamy struggled to come up with a reason, "because I said so!"_

_"That's a stupid reason!" Clarke told him. "Now tell me before I go figure it out myself because eventually I will and you know it."_

_"Clarke please don't make me." Bellamy's vulnerable side appearing again._

_"Bellamy why won't you tell me? We're best friends, we tell each other everything." Clarke said in a softer voice this time, hurt that he wouldn't confide in her."Don't you trust me?"_

_"Of course I trust you Clarke!" Bellamy felt bad for making her feel any different._

_"Then tell me why!:_

_"Because Clarke." Bellamy sighed relenting and deciding to tell her the whole truth. "Because I'm supposed to be there for you when times get tough not make your life tougher by piling my own problems onto you. You're my princess, I have to protect you not hurt you."_

_"Bell." Clarke teared up at his confession._

_"No don't cry Clarke!" Bellamy rushed to pull her into his arms. "Don't cry, princess. I'm here." He soothed._

_Clarke let herself relax in his arms for a moment while she pulled herself together. God how she loved his hugs. They were EVEN better than Mrs Blake's brownies and Clarke really loved those brownies._

_"Bellamy." Clarke said once she had pulled away, wishing so badly she didn't have to. "Telling me about things that upset you isn't going to hurt me! What does hurt me is when you keep things from me, it feels as though you don't really trust me and it makes me want to cry."_

_"Clarke-" Bellamy began._

_'Nope not done!" Clarke cut him off with an attitude. "I tell you everything Bell and no matter how tough things get you always make it better. Am I hurting you by doing that?"_

_"No bu-"_

_"No buts! It goes the same both ways, if you tell me Bellamy I can't promise I can fix it but I can make it feel better. We have do to these things together. We have to do life together Bellamy. Together, okay? Get that stuck in your head because if I find out you're not telling me things we'll be right back here arguing again."_

_"Okay Clarke. Together." He repeated with a smile appearing on his face._

_"Good. Now tell me what happened."_

_And Bellamy did. It turns out some kid at school had been making nasty comments to Bellamy about how he had no father and it was probably because he was such a disappointment._

_"What?" Clarke yelled angrily after he explained, "Oh he is so going to get a piece of me when I see him!"_

_"Calm down." Bellamy chuckled at the fiery attitude of this small 7 year old._

_"Don't tell me to calm down Bell. Believe me when I am done with him he is going to be begging you to forgive him."_

_"Oh I believe you." Bellamy knew without a doubt just how scary Clarke could be when she was mad._

_So when the same kid came up to him at school the next day, furiously apologising like his life depended on it, he just knew that Clarke had done something detention worthy and it made him smile. This girl would be the death of him._

* * *

Clarke was pulled out of the memory by Bellamy interlocking his hands in hers and he looked at her knowingly. Knowing just where her mind had taken her.

"You still never told me what you did to him." Bellamy pondered.

"All in good time Blake." Clarke smirked at him. "All in good time."

"Good time? It's been 11 years! You're taking your sweet ass time." Bellamy joked. Although he really did want to know what went down but he knew that could wait for another time.

"Ready for this?" Bellamy asked, more serious now.

Clarke nodded at him. "Together. Just like always."

"Together." Bellamy confirmed one last time before they walked into the room hand in hand.

What Clarke saw next was something that would haunt her dreams for months or even years to come.


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke stood before the sheet covered bodies of her parents with Bellamy beside her.

"You don't have to do this Clarke." Bellamy offered her a way out one last time.

"I do." Clarke replied in an emotion void voice. She knew she didn't HAVE to but in a way she did. Clarke wouldn't let Bellamy face this for her. It'd haunt him just as much as it would her. She'd rather feel that pain than cause him to feel it.

Clarke moved towards her parent's bodies, her resolve shaking the closer she got. When she reached them, her resolve was fully shaken and she wasn't so sure she could do this anymore.

"Just please-" Clarke's voice croaked, emotion now seeping through it and her vulnerability showing as she turned to look at Bellamy. "Please don't leave me."

Bellamy's heart ached at her words. He'd never leave her. Never by his own choice. He just wished she understood that. Understood just how much she meant.

"Never." Bellamy reassured, leaving no room for misinterpretation. "I'm right here. Like always." And somehow knowing he was right there with her made Clarke feel like she could face the whole world. Like she could do anything. Like she could do _this_.

With one last glance at Bellamy, Clarke turned to the nurse and signalled with a nod of her head that she was ready. 

"Before we do anything," the nurse began, "I must warn you that their bodies will be almost beyond recognisable to you. What you're about to see is nothing like how you would remember your parents looking. There has been magnificent damage done to their bodies and-"

"I understand." Clarke interrupted, not knowing if hearing what she was about to see would make it worse or better. But knowing she just wanted to get it over with.

"Miss I'm obligated to explain what you're about to see."

"That will not-"

"It's alright ma'am." Bellamy interrupted, seeing where this was about to head. He was not about to let Clarke start an all-out brawl in the morgue. "She's ready."

The nurse hesitated for what felt like hours, looking back and forth between Bellamy and Clarke. Eventually she sighed, signalling that she'd given in and turned back to the bodies.

"Ready?" She asked Clarke once more and after receiving a nod moved to the sheet covering the two bodies, pulling it off just enough for their faces to be seen.

Clarke gasped and stumbled backwards at the sight, searching for something sturdy to hold onto. Her parent's faces were in fact nothing like she'd remembered them. They were pale, injured and distorted beyond repair. But still, she could tell it was them, which suddenly made this all the more real. Clarke couldn't live in denial of what had happened anymore. Not when the lifeless bodies of her parents were laying right in front of her, damaged beyond repair. A sight that would surely haunt Clarke for the rest of her life. 

She continued to move backwards away from the bodies, but never taking her eyes off them, as she hit something stiff and she immediately reached to grab onto it. And if she had been in the right head space Clarke would've realised it wasn't so much of an _it_ but a _him_. Clarke's heart began to pound so fast she was almost certain she could actually hear it. Seeing their faces so lifeless was the worst part of this. She didn't want to remember them like this. With no sign of life. Hell, even remembering them angry at her was better than this. At least in her mind they were still alive. Now... now they weren't. Not even by memory. 

Suddenly, Clarke felt hands pulling her face away from the sight.

"N- no!" Clarke resisted weakly against them. "Let me go!" She said stronger this time.

"Clarke." A familiar deep voice grumbled. "Princess, stop looking."

"Be- Bellamy?" The word princess, snapping her out of it as she realised who was holding her.

"It's me princess." Bellamy confirmed but she still couldn't bring herself to look away because when she did that'd mean she'd never see them again. Alive or dead. And Clarke didn't think she'd survive that. So, when she felt him trying to pull her face towards him once more, Clarke began to struggle in his arms trying to break out of his grasp.

"Stop! Clarke stop fighting."

"Bell please don't make me go!" And to say that those words shocked Bellamy to his core is an understatement. He couldn't for the life of him understand why she would want to stay here.

"W- why?" He stuttered, unsure if he really wanted the answer.

"Because..." Clarke broke off, unable to finish the thought as sobs overwhelmed her body.

"Hey- hey Clarke, you're alright I've got you." Bellamy whispered soothingly causing her to cry louder. "Shhh I've got you." 

Exhausted from the pain of the past two days, Clarke finally allowed herself to completely let go, collapsing into Bellamy's chest. "I'm so sorry." She sobbed as Bellamy continued to hold her, rocking them back and forth. Sorry to her parents. Sorry to Bellamy. Sorry that any of this had to happen. Sorry to herself even. 

"It's them." Bellamy mouthed to the nurse who looked on in concern, saving Clarke from having to worry about doing it herself. The nurse simply nodded in acknowledgement and exited the room to give them privacy.

"It's alright Clarke." Bellamy spoke aloud as he turned his full attention back to her. "Just let it all out."

And let it all out she did. She cried for the loss of her parents. And then for the loss of Lexa. Then the loss of Wells. And then eventually she was crying for all the loss she'd endured in her life. And Bellamy just held her through it all, whispering kind, comforting words. Letting her know she wasn't alone. He was here.

"See," Bellamy said after her sobs has died down, "told ya I'd stay." 

"I never doubted it." Clarke let out a choked teary laughed.

"Mm yeah you did." He joked, trying his best to get her mind of what she'd just seen.

"Fine." She admitted and clearly Bellamy's efforts were working. He internally chuckled at that because all he had to do was challenge her and Clarke being as competitive as ever took the bait. "But only for a second."

"Never again." He warned, serious now as he looked at her, his eyes conveying the desperation he felt. "Never doubt it again."

"I won't Bell." Clarke stated firmly. And she really meant it. "I know I can always count on you." She whispered softly as she laid her head back down on his chest, tired and just wanting sleep now.

Bellamy being observant as ever realised this and pulled her tightly to his chest as he lifted her into his arms, pulling them both of the ground. "Let's go home." And when she didn't reply Bellamy took it as a sign that she'd let the exhaustion take over and pull her into a deep sleep. He moved to the door, hoping that the horror this room had brought would stay within this walls. It was wishful thinking. He knew it wouldn't and it hurt him to think about it.

"I'm already home." Clarke mumbled into his shoulder, nestling her head into the crook of his neck, half asleep. Her voice came so quiet that at first Bellamy almost thought he'd imagined it. But she had really said it and that alone was enough to ease Bellamy of his worries. At least for now. Because in this very moment she was here with him. And that was all he could hope for. She'd be okay eventually. He knew it with all his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so sorry this chapter is so short! I've recently started writing this story again after a few months of nothing but before I continue I wanted to know how many people actually want me to finish this story because I don't want to waste my time on it if no one is enjoying it. Please let me know your opinions! Or even let me know what you hope to see in this story so I can make it more enjoyable, I could really use the ideas!


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